Some stuff I wrote in my old blogs.

Reflecting Gravity

I am floating in the sky.

But gravity plays his trick.

He pulls me down and catches me in the grass.

I lay with stars in my mind.

"Isn't the stars beautiful?"

"Yes, Fiona, the stars are beautiful."

"If, just if, there was eternity to life...would we become a star?"
"I don't know"

And those words makes the stars go away.

For realization, she lays on the grass.

Red everywhere.

The colour of love.

She once was beautiful.

Now she's gone.

She became a STAR.

What do you think of this poem? or free-verse?

I hope you'll like it... if you don't then tell me what you hate.

It's something on my mind... I hope you guys can comment on it.

Tell me what you think it means...

March 19/2007


Malfunction~

absolute malfunction

lost in thought

lost in love

lost in translation

where are you?

Feb 18/2007



Knowing what was to come in the beginning but the naivity of oneself rejects the words.
Tears about to fall as you try to tug through the workday.
Not eating from yesterday 9pm to the next day and the day after.
December 2nd, and then the 3rd, not a single piece of food has pass those tunnels.
Then on the 4th she awakes and yet she hopes and wishes, but in the end those words oneself rejects are the purist of all words.
Haven't eaten, she told the supervisor she'll leave early tonight because her heart aches and bitterly broken.
Her acids eating at her chest.
She sits at the computer screen not knowing how to feel anymore.
'brother, goodnight'
Those are the last words she wants to say and probrably won't be the last to be said.
But it doesn't matter does it?
But then again, no one is really sure if it matters if she'll ever speak again.
Begging to get a chance, but got rejected again and again.
She deserves it.
This is what we call a bittersweet symphony.
Very dramatic yet bitter to the end, and the IRONY of it all.

"It's a bittersweet symphony of life..."

-life will go on-

Will a heart failure let a person live on?
It is funny how both party has heart illnesses, yet one seems more severe than the other.
Yet no one will know which person is more severe, only God knows.

She stars into the LCD panel, eyes blurred, heart broken, hungry; perverted.

-life will go on-

Yet every second seems to take a part of her, and now the maivity that rejects her makes her head swell.
It spins and swells again. And she only think of drinking after she gets off. But the funny part is she doesn't even care.
Should we call this girl stupid? Should we call this girl dumb? Should we call her sweet? Unself-fish?
She's none of those.
She's not stupid, she's not dumb, she isn't sweet and she's self-fish.
Plunged into love and beaten by her fate, she feels defeated for the first time in life.
She lost everything, her family, her time, and now her heart.

She comforts herself in saying she has a brother.
What good does a brother do?
She thought about the fond man.
Yet she doesn't seem to care about him either.
She loved these two men yet she hates them dearly.
But we should assume that she hates them 'cause she hates herself.

So much pride in that little thing.
So much hate.
So much love.
Lost of fate.
Lost of destiny.
Lost of oneself.

She cries at night over the lost...
She mourns for herself.

-life will go on-

Once you reflect in the things you do.
Life will go on.
You might not be any happier, might not be any younger.
You can only live.

Dec 06/2006

i once was lost in my figment

then someone found me

even though the person lend a hand for a week or two

but ended up changing my life...

the person didn't show me its heart,

only empathy

but soon after

the person started to show me its heart

soon after when i knew i fell in love,

cause the sun came into my life

and brighten up my day

it was pretty cold

but now it's starting to melt away

but then a spur of insecurities

just fluster into my heart

not knowing whether the melting of snow is curing the heart

or actually breaking it

so waiting for time to tell

and hoping that mother nature isn't so cruel

so pray that the sun is here to help

Sept 9/2005

I hear my name and open my eyes.
My eyes wander to find the voice.
I gasp for air when I see you.
Taken aback but so happy; I smile.
You walk closer to me,
And all I can do is smile.
Fixated gaze upon each other.
Does your heart flutter like mine?
Those eyes, those beautiful shining eyes.
I want to blink and look away,
But those eyes...

You sit next to me
And whisper into my ears...
Sweet nothings that I do long to hear.
But, maybe, because they are sweet nothings,
I don't remember those words now.
I smile and search for a sign.
All you do is smile back at me.

Slowly you touch my face.
Then my neck.
I think you I would let you,
Let you take my life at that moment if you wanted.
Then a gentle kiss on my lips.
Are you searching for my approval now?
I have been violated by your lips upon mine.
But the violation is permitted.
I want you to hold me in your arms.
Don't you know what I want too?

So you kiss me again.
And I hear you breathe.
I can't control my smile.
And I think you can't either.

The giggles.
The butterflies.
Then the gazing of our eyes.
Then our bodies collides.

As the kissing game begin.
You on top of me.
You take my arm and lift it up against the pillow.

Holding my hand.
You smell my neck.
Your hair showers my face,
And I then sniff your hair.
Do I smell as good as you?

Kissing my neck,
You raise your head to stare at me.
I wish I could push your hair aside.
So I blew on your bangs.
And I saw those beautiful eyes.

Dancing upon my body.
I look at yours too.

You push my hair back and said quietly.
"You're beautiful..."
The game begins as we embrace each other through kisses and touches.

Do you feel the sensation too?
Do you feel the emotions?

You slid your hand down my arm.
To my breast, then to my waist.
You move your face down to my waist.
And kiss my tummy.
Then my belly-button.
I giggled.
And you giggled too.

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I am sorry I can't continue.
The story/poem would be too R-rated.
Therefore the story is for you to finish.

PS. I'm not in love with a man.